1
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:05,338
LET ME GUESS.

2
00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:08,341
YOU'RE ON CHAPTER ONE OF
THE HOW‐TO‐JUGGLE BOOK.

3
00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:10,611
OH, NO, NO, NO. I'M
ON CHAPTER SIX.

4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:14,515
CHAPTERS ONE THROUGH FIVE WERE
"GETTING TO KNOW YOUR FINGERS."

5
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:16,817
HEY, HEY.

6
00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:19,485
OH, MY GOODNESS.

7
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:22,388
OH, OBIE, WHAT HAPPENED?

8
00:00:22,455 --> 00:00:25,859
GIRL, THE VAN HIT A POTHOLE
THE SIZE OF RHODE ISLAND.

9
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:28,361
TOOK KYLE AND I ABOUT AN HOUR

10
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,964
TO GET IT OFF TO THE
SIDE OF THE ROAD.

11
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:35,536
AND KYLE WAS SO SHAKEN HE
HAD HIMSELF DRY‐CLEANED.

12
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:37,871
WELL, SOMEONE HAD TO
RISK LIFE AND LIMB

13
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:41,274
TO DIVERT THE ONCOMING TRAFFIC.

14
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:42,709
WELL, HOW'S THE VAN?

15
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,878
OH, GIRL, I'M AFRAID THAT, UH...

16
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:48,882
OLD VANTASIA'S REACHED
THE END OF HER ROAD.

17
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,717
CAN'T DO NOTHING NOW

18
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,719
BUT GO DOWN TO THE
POLICE AUCTION

19
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,722
AND TRY TO FIND SOMETHING
DIRT‐CHEAP AND SERVICEABLE.

20
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,057
( Giggling )

21
00:00:57,123 --> 00:01:00,060
THAT'S WHERE KYLE
GOT HIS LAST CAR.

22
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:02,603
OR WAS IT HIS LAST DATE?

23
00:01:04,638 --> 00:01:07,808
CURSE THE SCIENTIST
THAT THAWED YOU OUT.

24
00:01:10,911 --> 00:01:13,747
KYLE, WHY DON'T YOU COME
DOWN TO THE AUCTION WITH US?

25
00:01:13,814 --> 00:01:16,016
YOUR NEGOTIATING SKILLS
WILL COME IN HANDY

26
00:01:16,082 --> 00:01:17,684
AS WE HAGGLE OVER THE HOOPTIES.

27
00:01:17,751 --> 00:01:22,689
OVERTON, ALTHOUGH I PRIDE MYSELF
ON MY ABILITY TO HOOPTIE‐HAGGLE

28
00:01:22,756 --> 00:01:25,758
I MUST SAY THAT IMPOUND AUCTIONS
AREN'T EXACTLY THE BARKER STYLE.

29
00:01:25,759 --> 00:01:28,762
I MUST SAY THAT IMPOUND AUCTIONS
AREN'T EXACTLY THE BARKER STYLE.

30
00:01:28,829 --> 00:01:30,931
THAT'S TOO BAD, 'CAUSE
ISN'T THE AUCTION

31
00:01:30,997 --> 00:01:32,933
NEXT DOOR TO THE
ITALIAN SHOE <i>OUTLET?</i>

32
00:01:32,999 --> 00:01:34,768
AND WE'RE STILL SITTING HERE?!

33
00:01:38,171 --> 00:01:39,405
♪ WE ARE LIVING ♪

34
00:01:39,472 --> 00:01:40,707
♪ SINGLE ♪

35
00:01:40,774 --> 00:01:43,777
♪ OOH, IN A '90s KIND OF WORLD ♪

36
00:01:43,844 --> 00:01:46,547
♪ I'M GLAD I GOT MY GIRLS ♪

37
00:01:46,613 --> 00:01:48,849
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ WHAT? ♪

38
00:01:48,915 --> 00:01:50,717
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪

39
00:01:50,784 --> 00:01:52,064
♪ WHENEVER THIS
LIFE GETS TOUGH ♪

40
00:01:52,118 --> 00:01:53,453
♪ YOU GOT TO FIGHT WITH ♪

41
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,289
♪ MY HOMEGIRL STANDING TO
MY LEFT AND MY RIGHT ♪

42
00:01:56,356 --> 00:01:58,458
♪ TRUE BLUE, IT'S
TIGHT LIKE GLUE ♪

43
00:01:58,525 --> 00:01:59,725
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪

44
00:01:59,749 --> 00:02:00,827
♪ WE ARE LIVING SINGLE. ♪

45
00:02:00,894 --> 00:02:03,036
[Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

46
00:02:03,103 --> 00:02:06,306
[and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION]

47
00:02:09,753 --> 00:02:10,753
( laughing )

48
00:02:10,777 --> 00:02:12,378
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

49
00:02:12,445 --> 00:02:15,381
PUTTING ALL THE PROSPECTS
I DATED LAST YEAR

50
00:02:15,448 --> 00:02:16,783
INTO TWO PILES.

51
00:02:19,285 --> 00:02:21,387
"GUYS WHO KILLED THEMSELVES"

52
00:02:21,454 --> 00:02:24,490
AND "GUYS WHO RAN SCREAMING
INTO THE NIGHT"?

53
00:02:24,558 --> 00:02:28,294
WELL, AT LEAST I CAN'T
SEPARATE MY OLD DATES

54
00:02:28,361 --> 00:02:30,363
INTO "TOOTHLESS" AND "JOBLESS."

55
00:02:32,766 --> 00:02:35,736
THIS PILE... ARE LOSERS.

56
00:02:35,802 --> 00:02:38,404
THIS PILE: CUTE LOSERS.

57
00:02:38,471 --> 00:02:41,575
THIS PILE: POTENTIAL LIFEMATES.

58
00:02:41,642 --> 00:02:45,612
THERE'S NOTHING THERE.

59
00:02:45,679 --> 00:02:48,414
HENCE, MY FUNK.

60
00:02:48,481 --> 00:02:50,584
WHAT ABOUT THAT
COMPUTER PROGRAMMER

61
00:02:50,651 --> 00:02:52,252
YOU DATED LAST WEEK?

62
00:02:52,318 --> 00:02:54,955
HE E‐MAILED YOU A PICTURE
OF A DOZEN ROSES.

63
00:02:55,021 --> 00:02:56,957
AH, YES, DWIGHT

64
00:02:57,023 --> 00:03:00,026
THE MAN WHO SHARED A
BUNK BED WITH HIS MAMA.

65
00:03:02,268 --> 00:03:04,104
HEY, UM, WHAT YOU DOING TONIGHT?

66
00:03:04,170 --> 00:03:05,706
DO YOU WANT TO GO TO A MOVIE?

67
00:03:05,772 --> 00:03:07,541
I PROMISE I WON'T EVEN SHUSH YOU

68
00:03:07,608 --> 00:03:09,442
WHEN YOU TALK BACK
TO THE SCREEN.

69
00:03:09,510 --> 00:03:11,778
SORRY. I'M MEETING
CHARLES AT THE THEATER.

70
00:03:11,845 --> 00:03:12,979
OOH, THE THEATER.

71
00:03:13,046 --> 00:03:15,315
I CAN DO THE THEATER.
WHAT'S PLAYING?

72
00:03:15,381 --> 00:03:17,718
A DISEASED LUNG. WE'RE
WATCHING AN OPERATION

73
00:03:17,784 --> 00:03:20,353
AT THE SURGICAL THEATER IN ST.
VINCENT'S HOSPITAL.

74
00:03:20,420 --> 00:03:22,355
GOT TO GET THERE EARLY
FOR GREAT SEATS.

75
00:03:22,422 --> 00:03:25,325
YOU CAN ONLY SEE THE HEART
PUMPING FROM THE FRONT ROW.

76
00:03:27,794 --> 00:03:29,696
YOU KNOW, I'D HANG
WITH YOU, REGINE

77
00:03:29,763 --> 00:03:32,098
BUT HELL HASN'T COMPLETELY
FROZEN OVER YET.

78
00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:36,737
FRIENDS, AFRICANS, COUNTRYMEN

79
00:03:36,803 --> 00:03:38,071
LEND ME YOUR EARS.

80
00:03:38,138 --> 00:03:39,906
WE ARE NOW THE PROUD OWNERS

81
00:03:39,973 --> 00:03:42,075
OF A BRAND‐NEW
LINCOLN CONTINENTAL.

82
00:03:42,142 --> 00:03:43,476
<i>YEAH.</i>

83
00:03:45,311 --> 00:03:48,915
OVERTON CAME PERILOUSLY CLOSE
TO PURCHASING A PANEL VAN

84
00:03:48,982 --> 00:03:52,052
WITH SHAG CARPET AND A
CHAIN‐LINK STEERING WHEEL.

85
00:03:52,118 --> 00:03:55,355
YEAH, AND THEN I SAW THE
TWINKLE IN MY BABY'S EYE

86
00:03:55,421 --> 00:03:57,691
WHEN SHE SAW THAT
CLASSY CHASSIS.

87
00:03:57,758 --> 00:03:59,192
SO FROM NOW ON

88
00:03:59,259 --> 00:04:02,603
ME AND GIRLY GOING TO
BE RIDING IN <i>STYLE.</i>

89
00:04:06,072 --> 00:04:08,208
I'M OFF TO PRECONDITION

90
00:04:08,274 --> 00:04:10,711
MY EXQUISITE NEW ALLIGATOR SHOES

91
00:04:10,777 --> 00:04:13,379
AND PICK UP MY EQUALLY
EXQUISITE DATE.

92
00:04:13,446 --> 00:04:16,049
I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR
BUYING THOSE SHOES‐‐

93
00:04:16,116 --> 00:04:19,219
SEEING AS THEY WERE ONCE
A MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY.

94
00:04:19,285 --> 00:04:21,988
YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE
OPTED FOR SNAKESKIN

95
00:04:22,055 --> 00:04:24,725
BUT I CAN GET THAT FROM YOU
DURING MOLTING SEASON.

96
00:04:24,791 --> 00:04:26,793
( Both hissing )

97
00:04:28,328 --> 00:04:29,730
HEY, OBIE AND SYNCLAIRE

98
00:04:29,796 --> 00:04:31,932
I'D LOVE TO TAKE A SPIN
IN YOUR NEW VEHICLE.

99
00:04:31,998 --> 00:04:35,401
UH, WELL, UH... I WAS PLANNING

100
00:04:35,468 --> 00:04:38,872
ON A MAGICAL EVENING OF
ROMANCE WITH MY BABY.

101
00:04:38,938 --> 00:04:42,475
I SUPPOSE YOU COULD JOG
ALONGSIDE THE CAR.

102
00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:44,745
NEVER MIND.

103
00:04:44,811 --> 00:04:46,747
I'LL JUST STAY AT HOME.

104
00:04:46,813 --> 00:04:48,081
ALONE.

105
00:04:48,148 --> 00:04:50,483
PONDERING THE MEANING
OF LOST FRIENDSHIP.

106
00:04:52,452 --> 00:04:53,887
COOL. COOL.

107
00:04:56,089 --> 00:05:00,266
( Phone ringing )

108
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:01,902
HELLO.

109
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:02,968
HEY, MA.

110
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:08,374
WELL, GEE, AS TEMPTING AS
BOWLING WITH THE GIRLS SOUNDS

111
00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:10,711
NAH, I GOT PLANS FOR TONIGHT.

112
00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:12,045
( Doorbell rings )

113
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,880
OH, GEE, THERE'S MY DATE NOW.

114
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:14,881
ALL RIGHT.

115
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,282
WELL, YOU TOO, MA. BYE.

116
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:22,789
OKAY, THAT'S ONE LUIGI'S
SATURDAY SHUT‐IN SPECIAL.

117
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,394
YOU KNOW, UH...

118
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:30,463
I GET OFF AT 11:00.

119
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,400
NO.

120
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,302
I DON'T CARE.

121
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:41,207
( laughing )

122
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:43,209
I DON'T KNOW, REGINE.

123
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,546
THE PIZZA MAN'S GOT A STEADY JOB

124
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:49,115
AND YOU DAMN SURE DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT WHISKER BURN.

125
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,023
HEY, MOM.

126
00:05:57,090 --> 00:06:00,193
YEAH. UH... MY DATE
HAD TO CANCEL.

127
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:04,705
YEAH. HE, UH, HAD
TO MAKE A DELIVERY.

128
00:06:04,771 --> 00:06:06,940
HE'S AN OBSTETRICIAN.

129
00:06:08,942 --> 00:06:12,045
SO, LISTEN, UM, HOW ABOUT YOU
AND ME GO TO DINNER TONIGHT

130
00:06:12,112 --> 00:06:14,214
AT THE FOUR ROSES, HUH?

131
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,381
MY TREAT.

132
00:06:15,448 --> 00:06:17,383
GREAT. COOL. OKAY.

133
00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:19,520
OH. UH, MOM, LISTEN, UM...

134
00:06:19,586 --> 00:06:21,522
THE FOUR ROSES ISN'T
A BUFFETERIA.

135
00:06:21,588 --> 00:06:23,657
YEAH. SO, UH, HOW ABOUT WE LEAVE

136
00:06:23,724 --> 00:06:25,792
THE SPANDEX CULOTTES
AT HOME, OKAY?

137
00:06:28,629 --> 00:06:30,230
SO, WHEN RITA TOLD ME

138
00:06:30,296 --> 00:06:32,966
THIS DWIGHT WAS A
COMPUTER PROGRAMMER

139
00:06:33,033 --> 00:06:34,467
I THOUGHT, "BABY"

140
00:06:34,535 --> 00:06:38,605
THERE'S A LOT OF CHIPS
IN THEM CHIPS."

141
00:06:38,672 --> 00:06:40,741
BUT, MA, I WANT SOMEBODY

142
00:06:40,807 --> 00:06:42,943
WHO'S MORE INTO ME
THAN HIS MOTHER.

143
00:06:43,009 --> 00:06:45,579
I WANT SOMEBODY WHOSE
FACE JUST LIGHTS UP

144
00:06:45,646 --> 00:06:47,213
WHEN I WALK INTO A ROOM.

145
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:49,082
SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED

146
00:06:49,149 --> 00:06:50,450
A GOLDEN RETRIEVER.

147
00:06:50,517 --> 00:06:52,853
BABY, IF YOU WANT TO
LAND THE PERFECT MAN

148
00:06:52,919 --> 00:06:54,588
THAN YOU COULD START BY ADDING

149
00:06:54,655 --> 00:06:57,591
A LITTLE FLASH AND
DAZZLE TO YOUR WARDROBE.

150
00:06:57,658 --> 00:06:59,025
EXCUSE ME, MADAM.

151
00:06:59,092 --> 00:07:01,027
COULD YOU MOVE A
LITTLE TO THE LEFT?

152
00:07:01,094 --> 00:07:04,404
YOUR HEADGEAR IS BLINDING THE
COUPLE AT THE NEXT TABLE.

153
00:07:10,777 --> 00:07:13,614
HEY, UH... HOW ABOUT
WE ORDER, HUH?

154
00:07:15,115 --> 00:07:17,050
OOH, SCALLOPS.

155
00:07:17,117 --> 00:07:19,052
HMM, AND AT MARKET PRICE.

156
00:07:19,119 --> 00:07:21,054
LET'S SEE, THAT'S 2.99 A POUND.

157
00:07:21,121 --> 00:07:23,456
I'M GETTING ME A
POUND OF SCALLOPS.

158
00:07:29,262 --> 00:07:31,565
EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD, HUH?

159
00:07:31,632 --> 00:07:33,499
OH, YEAH.

160
00:07:35,468 --> 00:07:38,872
WHAT A SILLY NAPKIN
TO LEAVE YOUR LAP.

161
00:07:40,807 --> 00:07:42,142
I'M HARRISON.

162
00:07:43,476 --> 00:07:45,411
I'M LAVERNE.

163
00:07:45,478 --> 00:07:47,213
HELLO.

164
00:07:48,582 --> 00:07:52,318
PLEASE, LET ME GET
YOU ANOTHER NAPKIN.

165
00:07:55,756 --> 00:07:59,359
DO... DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?

166
00:07:59,425 --> 00:08:00,701
UH‐HUH.

167
00:08:00,767 --> 00:08:02,603
HARRISON.

168
00:08:02,669 --> 00:08:05,038
HARRISON CUSHMORE.

169
00:08:05,105 --> 00:08:07,440
AS IN CUSHMORE MINING

170
00:08:07,508 --> 00:08:10,076
CUSHMORE COLLEGE,
CUSHMORE ISLAND.

171
00:08:10,143 --> 00:08:12,145
I BET HE'S GOT BEAUTIFUL FEET.

172
00:08:13,814 --> 00:08:16,049
OOH.

173
00:08:16,116 --> 00:08:18,051
LAVERNE, WOULD YOU
AND YOUR SISTER

174
00:08:18,118 --> 00:08:19,753
LIKE TO JOIN ME FOR DINNER?

175
00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:21,722
OH... OH...

176
00:08:21,788 --> 00:08:24,190
WELL, OH, REGINE'S
NOT MY SISTER.

177
00:08:24,257 --> 00:08:26,259
OH, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER.

178
00:08:27,427 --> 00:08:30,096
GOD, I HAD HER WHEN I WAS...
WHAT? TEN?

179
00:08:32,866 --> 00:08:35,068
I WOULD HAVE GUESSED EIGHT.

180
00:08:35,135 --> 00:08:37,571
( Both laughing )

181
00:08:37,638 --> 00:08:39,940
HARRISON, I'M SORRY

182
00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:41,926
BUT I DIDN'T COME HERE TO
HAVE A PLEASANT DINNER.

183
00:08:41,950 --> 00:08:42,843
I JUST CAME

184
00:08:42,909 --> 00:08:44,578
TO BE WITH REGINE.

185
00:08:46,813 --> 00:08:49,616
I, UH... TELL YOU WHAT,
WHY DON'T YOU TWO KIDS

186
00:08:49,683 --> 00:08:51,818
JUST, UH, CARRY ON
WITHOUT ME, HUH?

187
00:08:51,885 --> 00:08:52,919
OH.

188
00:08:52,986 --> 00:08:54,254
REGINE...

189
00:08:55,255 --> 00:08:56,590
ARE YOU SURE?

190
00:09:03,436 --> 00:09:05,105
I INSIST.

191
00:09:06,773 --> 00:09:09,375
OH, WHAT AN AMAZING EVENING.

192
00:09:09,442 --> 00:09:11,678
EVERYWHERE WE WENT IN THAT CAR

193
00:09:11,745 --> 00:09:13,013
PEOPLE JUST STARED.

194
00:09:13,079 --> 00:09:15,015
THAT'S CAUSE YOU
SPENT THE WHOLE TIME

195
00:09:15,081 --> 00:09:17,651
YELLING OUT THE WINDOW, "HEY,
EVERYBODY, LOOK AT US.

196
00:09:17,718 --> 00:09:19,653
WE GOT OURSELVES A
STINKING LINCOLN."

197
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,055
HEY, OVERTON.

198
00:09:22,122 --> 00:09:24,591
YOU'RE PRETTY BOLD
TO BE DRIVING AROUND

199
00:09:24,658 --> 00:09:27,293
IN A SEDAN THAT ONCE
BELONGED TO THE MOB.

200
00:09:28,795 --> 00:09:31,532
WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAX?

201
00:09:31,598 --> 00:09:33,233
THAT CAR'S LAST OWNER

202
00:09:33,299 --> 00:09:35,736
WAS A SMALL‐TIME HOOD
NAMED JOHNNY FATS.

203
00:09:35,802 --> 00:09:38,104
HE WAS STABBED,
STRANGLED, RUN OVER

204
00:09:38,171 --> 00:09:41,041
AND STUFFED IN THE TRUNK‐‐
NOT IN THAT ORDER.

205
00:09:41,107 --> 00:09:43,644
UM, THAT CAR WAS A KEY
PIECE OF EVIDENCE.

206
00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:46,212
YOU KNOW FOR A FACT
THAT'S THE CAR?

207
00:09:46,279 --> 00:09:48,749
WELL, IF YOU LOOK REAL
CLOSELY AT THE GRILL

208
00:09:48,815 --> 00:09:51,752
YOU'LL SEE A DENT IN THE
SHAPE OF A MAN'S FACE

209
00:09:51,818 --> 00:09:54,020
SCREAMING FOR HIS LIFE.

210
00:09:56,957 --> 00:09:58,091
ENJOY.

211
00:09:59,593 --> 00:10:03,203
OBIE, I CANNOT RIDE IN A
CAR THAT WHACKED FATS.

212
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,071
AW, GIRLY, COME ON.

213
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:06,573
YOU KNOW YOU LOVE THAT CAR.

214
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,576
AND WHEN WE HAVE OUR BABY,
LITTLE SYNCLOVERTON

215
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,377
HE OR SHE WILL LOVE IT TOO.

216
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,379
I MEAN, WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO?

217
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,681
JUST SELL IT?

218
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,049
AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

219
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,383
BUT FIRST PEEL OFF

220
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,586
MY "I BRAKE FOR TROLLS"
BUMPER STICKER.

221
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,125
HEY.

222
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:25,926
HEY.

223
00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:27,060
SO, HOW'S THE ROMANCE

224
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,995
BETWEEN MOMMY AND
THE MILLIONAIRE?

225
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:33,834
DID HE BUY HER A NECKLACE,
A BRACELET, NEW JERSEY?

226
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,669
NOW, HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW

227
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:38,404
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH MY
MOM AND, UH, <i>HARRISON?</i>

228
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,306
SHE HASN'T CALLED ME IN A WEEK.

229
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:41,642
( Doorbell rings )

230
00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:42,809
I'LL GET IT.

231
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:45,478
( Gasps )

232
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:54,855
OH, LORD, WE GOT TO GET CALLER I.
D. FOR THE DOOR.

233
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:57,524
FABULOUS, MOTHER HUNTER.

234
00:10:57,591 --> 00:11:00,360
YOU'RE LIKE A MOVIE
STAR, ONLY BRIGHTER.

235
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:02,703
HARRISON'S TAKING ME
TO THE OPERA TONIGHT.

236
00:11:02,769 --> 00:11:05,271
HONEY, YOU GOT ANYTHING
THAT'LL GO WITH THIS?

237
00:11:05,338 --> 00:11:08,408
COUPLE OF BENGAL
TIGERS AND A WHIP.

238
00:11:08,474 --> 00:11:09,710
YOU KNOW WHAT?

239
00:11:09,776 --> 00:11:12,112
MY CLOWN GLOVES MIGHT WORK.
JUST BE CAREFUL.

240
00:11:12,178 --> 00:11:15,749
DON'T PRESS ON THE THUMB OR
ELSE YOUR SHOES WILL EXPLODE.

241
00:11:15,816 --> 00:11:17,017
I'LL GO GET THEM.

242
00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:21,387
OH, KHADIJAH‐BOO, HARRISON
IS SUCH A GOOD MAN.

243
00:11:21,454 --> 00:11:22,723
HE'S...

244
00:11:22,789 --> 00:11:25,225
OH, HE'S DECENT,
GENEROUS AND SO WITTY.

245
00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:27,460
HMM. JUST THE KIND OF MAN

246
00:11:27,528 --> 00:11:29,029
YOU'D WANT TO BRING
HOME TO DAUGHTER.

247
00:11:31,031 --> 00:11:34,067
OOH, AND, GIRL, WHEN MY
MAN TAKES OFF HIS SHIRT

248
00:11:34,134 --> 00:11:35,401
MMM... BULL‐YA!

249
00:11:35,468 --> 00:11:36,737
NOTHING BUT MUSCLE.

250
00:11:36,803 --> 00:11:37,938
NO, GIRL.

251
00:11:38,004 --> 00:11:40,741
GOING OUT WITH SOMEBODY
A COUPLE OF TIMES

252
00:11:40,807 --> 00:11:42,375
DON'T MAKE HIM YOUR MAN.

253
00:11:42,442 --> 00:11:48,414
WELL, I'VE BEEN OUT WITH
HIM 12 TIMES IN TEN DAYS.

254
00:11:48,481 --> 00:11:51,818
WHAT DOES THAT MAKE HIM, REGINE?

255
00:11:51,885 --> 00:11:54,487
A PEST.

256
00:11:54,555 --> 00:11:56,022
WELL, I HAVE A FEELING

257
00:11:56,089 --> 00:11:58,792
THIS PEST MAY BE
AROUND A LONG TIME.

258
00:11:58,859 --> 00:12:00,500
OOH, I WONDER

259
00:12:00,567 --> 00:12:02,035
IF HARRISON COULD ASK

260
00:12:02,102 --> 00:12:03,970
BO DIDDLEY TO SING
AT THE WEDDING.

261
00:12:04,037 --> 00:12:07,273
I GUESS ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE...
IN YOUR WORLD.

262
00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:11,545
HEY, YOU BETTER WATCH
YOUR TONE, REGINA.

263
00:12:11,612 --> 00:12:14,214
MOM, I KNOW YOU'RE TAKEN
BY HIM, ALL RIGHT?

264
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,183
BUT... CUSHMORE IS WAY OUT
OF YOUR BOWLING LEAGUE.

265
00:12:19,252 --> 00:12:23,023
ONCE THE NOVELTY OF YOUR
JERSEY GIRL CHARM WEARS OFF

266
00:12:23,089 --> 00:12:24,357
HE'LL BE GONE.

267
00:12:24,424 --> 00:12:25,892
REGINE.

268
00:12:25,959 --> 00:12:28,328
YOU'D THINK

269
00:12:28,394 --> 00:12:32,065
THAT WHEN SOMETHING GOOD
FINALLY HAPPENS IN MY LIFE

270
00:12:32,132 --> 00:12:34,801
MY OWN DAUGHTER WOULD
BE HAPPY FOR ME.

271
00:12:43,644 --> 00:12:46,412
YOU KNOW, IF THERE IS ONE
THING I CANNOT STAND

272
00:12:46,479 --> 00:12:48,314
IS A MELODRAMATIC EXIT.

273
00:12:50,316 --> 00:12:53,987
I MEAN, I GIVE AND I GIVE

274
00:12:54,054 --> 00:12:56,523
AND WHAT DO I GET BACK BUT PAIN!

275
00:13:02,769 --> 00:13:06,106
( English accent ): SMASHING
PERFORMANCE ON BOTH SIDES.

276
00:13:11,177 --> 00:13:14,781
OH, SO, DID YOU SELL
THE DEATH MOBILE YET?

277
00:13:14,848 --> 00:13:16,282
NO.

278
00:13:16,349 --> 00:13:18,885
WHEN THE GUY ASKED
ABOUT TRUNK CAPACITY

279
00:13:18,952 --> 00:13:21,387
ONE OF US SAID THERE
WAS ENOUGH ROOM

280
00:13:21,454 --> 00:13:23,657
FOR A BODY AND A BASEBALL BAT.

281
00:13:23,724 --> 00:13:25,391
PEOPLE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW

282
00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:27,193
ABOUT A CAR'S PREVIOUS OWNER.

283
00:13:27,260 --> 00:13:28,662
WOULD YOU BUY A FRIDGE

284
00:13:28,729 --> 00:13:31,397
IF YOU KNEW IT BELONGED
TO JEFFREY DAHMER?

285
00:13:32,699 --> 00:13:33,834
YOU KNOW, LOVE BUG

286
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,036
WE WOULDN'T BE STUCK
WITH THIS CAR

287
00:13:36,102 --> 00:13:38,238
IF THE FIRST TIME YOU SAW IT

288
00:13:38,304 --> 00:13:40,173
YOU HADN'T SAID, "OH,
LOOK, A LINCOLN.

289
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,909
JUST LIKE MY FAVORITE
CITY IN NEBRASKA."

290
00:13:42,976 --> 00:13:44,845
YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAID THAT

291
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,980
THE POWER SEAT
MADE YOU FEEL LIKE

292
00:13:47,047 --> 00:13:49,449
EMPEROR OF ALL HANDYMEN!

293
00:13:49,516 --> 00:13:52,218
MUST I YET AGAIN
STEP INTO THE FRAY

294
00:13:52,285 --> 00:13:54,788
AND DOUSE THE FIRES
OF ANTIPATHY?

295
00:13:54,855 --> 00:13:56,422
HUH?

296
00:13:56,489 --> 00:13:57,791
WHOO, WHOO, WHOO.

297
00:13:57,858 --> 00:13:59,459
WELL...

298
00:13:59,526 --> 00:14:00,801
COME ON.

299
00:14:00,867 --> 00:14:02,969
I'M SORRY, MY WIFE‐IN‐WAITING.

300
00:14:03,036 --> 00:14:05,305
I'M SORRY TOO, MY
GONNA‐BE‐GROOM.

301
00:14:05,371 --> 00:14:06,306
SEE YOU LATER.

302
00:14:06,372 --> 00:14:07,307
BYE.

303
00:14:07,373 --> 00:14:08,642
YOU KNOW, OVERTON

304
00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:10,243
THEY SAY A CAR IS STOLEN

305
00:14:10,310 --> 00:14:12,178
EVERY 15 MINUTES IN THE CITY.

306
00:14:12,245 --> 00:14:14,014
HERE.

307
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:15,081
WHAT SINISTER PLAN

308
00:14:15,148 --> 00:14:16,850
IS THAT EGGHEAD OF
YOURS HATCHING?

309
00:14:16,917 --> 00:14:19,285
SIMPLY PARK YOUR VEHICLE
AND FORGET TO LOCK IT.

310
00:14:19,352 --> 00:14:22,222
IF IT IS THERE IN THE MORNING,
YOU WERE MEANT TO KEEP IT.

311
00:14:22,288 --> 00:14:25,225
IF IT IS NOT, YOU ARE MEANT TO
CALL THE INSURANCE COMPANY.

312
00:14:25,291 --> 00:14:27,227
YOU KNOW, KYLE, YOU GOT A GIFT

313
00:14:27,293 --> 00:14:30,964
FOR MAKING SOMETHING SLIGHTLY SHADY SEEM...
ALMOST NOBLE.

314
00:14:31,031 --> 00:14:33,466
OVERTON, I AM A STOCKBROKER.

315
00:14:33,534 --> 00:14:34,467
COME ON.

316
00:14:34,535 --> 00:14:36,236
( Chuckles )

317
00:14:36,302 --> 00:14:38,639
( in singsong ): EXTRA! EXTRA!

318
00:14:39,540 --> 00:14:41,875
LOOK WHOSE MAMA MADE
THE SOCIETY PAGE

319
00:14:41,942 --> 00:14:43,610
WEARING PLAID GAUCHOS.

320
00:14:48,114 --> 00:14:52,953
HOW DID SHE GET HARRISON
TO GO TO WRESTLEMANIA IV?

321
00:14:53,019 --> 00:14:56,422
OH, YOU COULD TAKE A
LESSON FROM YOUR MOM

322
00:14:56,489 --> 00:14:58,625
ON HOW TO SNAG MR. RIGHT.

323
00:14:58,692 --> 00:15:01,201
THE DAY I NEED LESSONS
FROM MY MOTHER

324
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,970
IS THE DAY I DANCE
NAKED IN TIMES SQUARE

325
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,972
SINGING "DISCO INFERNO."

326
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,309
IF YOU'RE GOING TO DANCE NAKED

327
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:10,977
STAY AWAY FROM TIMES SQUARE.

328
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,913
YOU'LL SCARE THE PIGEONS.

329
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:17,217
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU.

330
00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:20,153
I'M GOING TO TREAT
MYSELF TO DINNER

331
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:21,855
AT THE FOUR ROSES.

332
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,591
IT IS TRES CHIC TO DINE ALONE.

333
00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:28,662
AU CONTRAIRE, MA
PETITE LEPRECHAUN.

334
00:15:28,729 --> 00:15:30,731
"TRES CHIC" MEANS "STYLISH."

335
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:33,366
THE WORD YOU WANT
IS "PATHETIQUE."

336
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,850
( laughing )

337
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:52,953
HEY, YOU KNOW, IF
YOU TORCH THE TABLE

338
00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:54,788
YOU MIGHT MEET A NICE FIREMAN.

339
00:15:54,855 --> 00:15:57,157
I'M NOT HERE TO MEET
ANYBODY, ALL RIGHT?

340
00:15:57,223 --> 00:15:59,159
AND IF YOU'RE HERE TO LECTURE ME

341
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:00,160
MAKE IT QUICK.

342
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,168
HARRISON DUMPED YOUR MOTHER.

343
00:16:02,235 --> 00:16:03,369
PASS THE BUTTER.

344
00:16:03,436 --> 00:16:04,838
WHAT?!

345
00:16:04,905 --> 00:16:06,172
YEP. MY MOM CALLED.

346
00:16:06,239 --> 00:16:09,175
HARRISON BROKE IT OFF,
JUST LIKE YOU SAID.

347
00:16:09,242 --> 00:16:10,844
BROCCOLI!

348
00:16:10,911 --> 00:16:13,013
HMM, POOR MOM.

349
00:16:13,079 --> 00:16:14,815
AND WHY WAS I JUST BORN

350
00:16:14,881 --> 00:16:17,651
WITH THIS CURSE OF
ALWAYS BEING RIGHT?

351
00:16:17,718 --> 00:16:19,686
IF YOU WANT TO DO
THE RIGHT THING NOW

352
00:16:19,753 --> 00:16:21,722
YOUR MOTHER COULD USE
SOME COMFORTING.

353
00:16:21,788 --> 00:16:23,724
OOH, SAUCE.

354
00:16:23,790 --> 00:16:25,726
YEAH, I GUESS.

355
00:16:25,792 --> 00:16:28,929
IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S
ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME.

356
00:16:28,995 --> 00:16:30,897
YOU KNOW WHAT?

357
00:16:30,964 --> 00:16:33,033
I'M GOING TO LAY OFF THAT SAUCE

358
00:16:33,099 --> 00:16:35,035
'CAUSE THIS GOT YOU TRIPPING.

359
00:16:35,101 --> 00:16:36,336
UH‐UH. COME ON, KHADIJAH.

360
00:16:36,402 --> 00:16:38,572
THE OTHER NIGHT WAS
NOT THE FIRST TIME

361
00:16:38,639 --> 00:16:39,773
MY MOTHER DITCHED ME.

362
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,175
HOW ABOUT ALL OF THOSE
TIMES AFTER SCHOOL

363
00:16:42,242 --> 00:16:44,210
AND I HAD TO COME
OVER TO YOUR HOUSE

364
00:16:44,277 --> 00:16:47,247
AND SUFFER THROUGH YOUR
MOTHER'S MEAT LOAF SURPRISE?

365
00:16:47,313 --> 00:16:49,750
FIRST OF ALL, IT WAS CHILI.

366
00:16:52,218 --> 00:16:54,487
AND THE ONLY REASON
YOU WERE AT OUR HOUSE

367
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,657
IS BECAUSE YOUR MOM
TOOK A SECOND JOB

368
00:16:56,723 --> 00:17:00,100
JUST SO SHE COULD BUY YOU
THAT JUNIOR WIG TRAVEL CASE.

369
00:17:01,167 --> 00:17:03,904
OKAY. WELL, HOW ABOUT
ALL THOSE COLD MORNINGS

370
00:17:03,970 --> 00:17:06,072
THAT I HAD TO WALK TO YOUR HOUSE

371
00:17:06,139 --> 00:17:08,775
SO THAT YOUR MOM COULD
DRIVE US TO SCHOOL?

372
00:17:08,842 --> 00:17:11,444
OKAY. SO, WHAT ABOUT
WHEN SHE SOLD THE CAR

373
00:17:11,512 --> 00:17:14,581
JUST SO SHE COULD GET YOU
BRACES, SCHOOL SUPPLIES

374
00:17:14,648 --> 00:17:16,249
AND ROLLER DISCO LESSONS?

375
00:17:16,316 --> 00:17:17,651
♪ WHOO‐WHOO! ♪

376
00:17:19,285 --> 00:17:24,057
IS THIS AN INCREDIBLY
LONG WAY OF SAYING...

377
00:17:24,124 --> 00:17:25,859
I'M PETTY, SELFISH

378
00:17:25,926 --> 00:17:28,194
AND SHOULD APOLOGIZE
TO MY MOTHER?

379
00:17:28,261 --> 00:17:31,031
I WAS GOING TO SAY
"OBNOXIOUS AND UNGRATEFUL"

380
00:17:31,097 --> 00:17:32,833
BUT YOUR LIFE, YOUR WORDS.

381
00:17:37,070 --> 00:17:38,338
SO, WHAT'S UP?

382
00:17:38,404 --> 00:17:39,673
ANY LUCK, MAN?

383
00:17:39,740 --> 00:17:43,009
FOUR DAYS AND OLD MR.
LINCOLN'S STILL THERE.

384
00:17:43,076 --> 00:17:44,945
DAMN NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH.

385
00:17:45,011 --> 00:17:46,212
CAN WE HELP YOU?

386
00:17:46,279 --> 00:17:48,281
CAN ONE OF YOU FINE GENTLEMEN

387
00:17:48,348 --> 00:17:51,417
TELL ME WHERE I MIGHT
FIND OVERTON JONES?

388
00:17:54,521 --> 00:17:56,456
UM... I'M OVERTON JONES.

389
00:17:56,523 --> 00:17:57,958
CRAZY JOEY.

390
00:17:58,024 --> 00:17:59,560
JOHNNY FATS' NEPHEW.

391
00:17:59,626 --> 00:18:03,737
I'M PREPARED TO OFFER
YOU A GENEROUS SUM

392
00:18:03,804 --> 00:18:06,239
TO TAKE THAT LINCOLN
OFF YOUR HANDS.

393
00:18:06,306 --> 00:18:09,409
DO TELL, CRAZY.

394
00:18:09,475 --> 00:18:11,845
THERE IS ONE PROVISO:

395
00:18:11,912 --> 00:18:15,549
YOU MUST HELP ME CARRY
OUT MY UNCLE'S WISHES

396
00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:17,217
TO BE BURIED IN THE CAR.

397
00:18:17,283 --> 00:18:18,985
WAIT A MINUTE.

398
00:18:19,052 --> 00:18:21,354
YOU WANT US TO GET
YOUR DEAD UNCLE

399
00:18:21,421 --> 00:18:23,657
PUT HIM IN THE
BACK OF MY LINCOLN

400
00:18:23,724 --> 00:18:25,526
AND BURY THE WHOLE SHEBANG?

401
00:18:25,592 --> 00:18:28,261
OH, AFTER WE DIG
HIM UP, OF COURSE.

402
00:18:28,328 --> 00:18:31,565
OKAY. SO, WHAT IF WE SAY NO?

403
00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:32,899
I DON'T KNOW.

404
00:18:32,966 --> 00:18:35,268
NO ONE'S EVER SAID
NO TO ME BEFORE.

405
00:18:35,335 --> 00:18:37,604
I'D HAVE TO COME
UP WITH SOMETHING.

406
00:18:37,671 --> 00:18:38,805
I KNOW‐‐

407
00:18:38,872 --> 00:18:41,407
I'LL TELL MY OTHER
UNCLE BENNY THE HOOK.

408
00:18:41,474 --> 00:18:43,209
HE'S VERY CREATIVE.

409
00:18:44,244 --> 00:18:45,779
UH... UH...

410
00:18:45,846 --> 00:18:48,114
WHY DON'T WE JUST
FIND SOME SHOVELS?

411
00:18:48,181 --> 00:18:50,183
YOU KNOW, THAT
HOOK THING, MAN...

412
00:18:53,486 --> 00:18:54,588
YES!

413
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,056
( laughing )

414
00:18:56,122 --> 00:18:57,057
HEY.

415
00:18:57,123 --> 00:18:58,725
NE‐NE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

416
00:18:58,792 --> 00:19:02,836
WE MISS THAT PRETTY LITTLE FACE
AND THAT SNOOTY LITTLE ATTITUDE.

417
00:19:02,903 --> 00:19:05,506
YES, REALLY GREAT TO
SEE ALL OF YOU TOO.

418
00:19:05,572 --> 00:19:06,940
WE MUST GET TOGETHER

419
00:19:07,007 --> 00:19:09,475
AT THE NEXT PORK
RIND EATING CONTEST.

420
00:19:09,543 --> 00:19:11,612
EXCUSE ME. I GOT TO TALK TO MOM.

421
00:19:11,678 --> 00:19:13,947
NOT NOW, REGINE. I'M BOWLING.

422
00:19:14,014 --> 00:19:16,449
NO, MOM, YOU ARE NOT
BOWLING, ALL RIGHT?

423
00:19:16,517 --> 00:19:18,652
YOU ARE TRYING TO
DROWN YOUR PAIN

424
00:19:18,719 --> 00:19:20,320
IN BLUE‐COLLAR ACTIVITY.

425
00:19:24,357 --> 00:19:26,326
LET'S PUT DOWN THE BALL.

426
00:19:26,392 --> 00:19:29,295
MOMMY, I'M HERE TO HELP YOU.

427
00:19:29,362 --> 00:19:30,731
YOU WANT TO HELP ME?

428
00:19:30,797 --> 00:19:32,298
GET OUT OF THE WAY!

429
00:19:38,739 --> 00:19:40,006
YES!

430
00:19:40,073 --> 00:19:41,908
WHOO, WHOO, WHOO, WHOO...

431
00:19:43,143 --> 00:19:44,611
WHOO‐WHOO, HEY!

432
00:19:46,146 --> 00:19:48,414
I‐I CANNOT COMPREHEND THIS.

433
00:19:48,481 --> 00:19:49,583
YOU...

434
00:19:49,650 --> 00:19:52,218
YOU JUST GOT DUMPED,
AND YOU SEEM OKAY.

435
00:19:52,285 --> 00:19:54,354
HOW DO YOU BOUNCE BACK SO FAST

436
00:19:54,420 --> 00:19:57,023
AND WHY DIDN'T I
INHERIT THAT ABILITY?

437
00:19:57,090 --> 00:19:58,525
( Chuckles )

438
00:19:58,592 --> 00:20:01,134
BABY GIRL, IT'S JUST A MAN.

439
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,637
GIRL, I HAD ONE IN THE '70s...

440
00:20:03,704 --> 00:20:05,471
ONE IN THE '80s...

441
00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:08,942
NOW I DONE HAVE ONE IN THE '90s.

442
00:20:09,009 --> 00:20:11,477
I GUESS YOU COULD
JUST TAKE THE REST

443
00:20:11,545 --> 00:20:13,046
OF THE DECADE OFF, HUH?

444
00:20:13,113 --> 00:20:15,381
YOU KNOW, REGINE, I
THINK IT'S GREAT

445
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:18,752
THAT YOU'RE SO DETERMINED
TO FIND A RELATIONSHIP

446
00:20:18,819 --> 00:20:20,621
BUT DON'T SWEAT THE BREAKUP.

447
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,222
SHOOT, IT'S THEIR LOSS.

448
00:20:23,557 --> 00:20:24,991
YOU'RE RIGHT.

449
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:28,695
HEY, THIS ONE WAS
DEFINITELY HARRISON'S LOSS.

450
00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:31,798
WELL, COME ON, NE‐NE.

451
00:20:31,865 --> 00:20:33,967
BREAK SOME DINOSAUR TEETH.

452
00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:36,302
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.

453
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,939
YOU GOT SOMETHING BETTER TO DO?

454
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,744
( Whispers ): REGINE...

455
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:44,911
WHAT?

456
00:20:44,978 --> 00:20:49,349
I THINK YOU HAVE AN
ADMIRER OVER THERE.

457
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,518
EVENING, PROFESSOR JACKSON.

458
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:54,054
POOR MAN.

459
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,557
ALL THAT GORGEOUS BRAIN POWER...

460
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:59,025
AND HIM ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD.

461
00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:10,043
( Giggles )

462
00:21:10,110 --> 00:21:11,778
CLUMSY ME.

463
00:21:12,779 --> 00:21:14,280
OH, PROFESSOR...

464
00:21:15,381 --> 00:21:17,383
AH, SOOKIE, SOOKIE NOW!

465
00:21:21,487 --> 00:21:22,889
Joey: WELL, MY FRIENDS.

466
00:21:22,956 --> 00:21:24,057
OUR JOB IS DONE.

467
00:21:24,124 --> 00:21:25,391
I THANK YOU

468
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:27,427
AND MY UNCLE FATS THANKS YOU.

469
00:21:32,365 --> 00:21:34,400
AUTOMATIC ANTENNA...

470
00:21:34,467 --> 00:21:35,802
I HOPE.

471
00:21:38,304 --> 00:21:42,308
[Captioned by The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]